I. Forgive. You. (an open letter to you)

I Forgive You

I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for deciding from day one that men were more important and that you had better things to do. I forgive you for signing those papers and getting on with your life; even though they used and abused you, even broke your jaw I think you made a good call. I forgive you for giving up 3 and keeping 1 I guess 1 was better than none. I forgive you for telling her to get rid of "it", young and dumb you were out there having fun. I forgive you for selling dope, I guess the money it brought in gave you hope that one day you would make it out without a doubt I forgive you. 

I forgive you for rejecting me. I forgive you for mistreating me as a child, for making me feel unwanted in my own home. I forgive you for introducing me not as your sibling, but as your mothers adopted child I didn't know labels came in such small sizes. I forgive you for allowing me to be raised by a married single mother, it was her idea to get us in the first place I forgive you. I forgive you for not buying me anything for Christmas maybe if we don't acknowledge her maybe she will go away, but I thought they told you I was here to stay I forgive you. I forgive you for getting all your information about me through mom, but never answering the phone I guess you just weren't home; I tried and tried but days months and years went by all I wanted to say was "Hi". I forgive you for hating me because I looked like her, I don't even know that lady but you were so sure. I forgive you for never standing up for me, for laughing with them when they were laughing at me. Mom always called us Irish twins it was supposed to be you and me for the win but for some reason, it was always me against you I never knew what to do. I forgive you for getting so angry at me all the time over nothing,  again it's not my fault I look like her you are the reason I wash my face until its sore I forgive you.

I forgive you for leaving me. I forgive you for making me your world until you got that text that said: "I'm pregnant it's yours". I forgive you for being mad it was a girl, and not wanting to touch my tummy when her feet would make it swirl. I forgive you for not being at every appointment, and the ones you did come to pouting like a little kid that had to own up to what they did I forgive you. I forgive you for not being there when they said: "she doesn't have a heartbeat" but making sure you were there for the sympathy when people started talking. I forgive you for talking me into taking "those" pills, I was so numb all I wanted to do was feel. I forgive you for leaving when she died I know you told my mother that "I would be fat and crazy for the rest of my life" I still forgive you.

I forgive you for lying. After all the rain you were the sunshine that I claimed. I forgive you for pretending to be someone you weren't, you are truly your father's son. I forgive you for luring me away with a lullaby that painted dreams of blue skies I forgive you. I forgive you for making me feel like I was the prettiest girl at the ball that I was the one you chose out of them all. I forgive you for asking me to marry you even though you were never true I forgive you. I forgive you for wasting my time and covering it up by feeding me more wine. I forgive you for waiting until right before we say our I do's to let me know you weren't really you. I forgive you for embarrassing me on social media, I guess you wanted me to feel as empty as you did. I forgive you for that story you made up, to make it seem like it all was just a hiccup I forgive you.

I forgive you, and there are a lot of you i'm choosing to forgive.

Unforgiveness is like a suitcase the more I packed the heavier it got. Over the years my heart began to harden; I became bitter and angry. But today I choose to forgive, to genuinely let it go... ALL OF IT. What if our Heavenly Father did not forgive us for our sins? Imagine where would we be? It says in the word forgive, so you can be forgiven (Mark 11:25). Now, forgiveness doesn't mean forget my friend Biannca said it the best in a post that she recently made "forgiveness doesn't mean reentry it means reevaluation". I choose to forgive to release the situation(s) and give it over to God; I refuse to go into this next season weighted down with old hurts I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE.... not for you but for me.
Contuine to walk with me as I walk with him.

-Daughter Of a King