Damaged Goods

So the other day my friend Jess and I went grocery shopping together for the first time (I'm sure Jess is thinking there is also a last hahaha) also it was my first time shopping at that particular grocery store. So unbeknownst to Jess, I decided that I did not want a cart and that we would just share the one she grabbed; this was a major lapse in judgement on my part because I knew how long both of our grocery lists were. I had never been to that particular grocery store so Jess decided to give me a tour while we were grocery shopping just showing me the lay of the land. Well while I am mentally comparing prices of some random canned goods that are on my grocery list I look up to see that Jess had wandered off; she didn't go too far though she was just one aisle over. So when I get to the aisle I immediately notice the random array of different brands all piled on shelves with no order what so ever it's like someone just threw it all there. So Jess is looking through the shelves and I ask her what is this aisle? and she simply replies the damaged goods aisle and continues to look through the assorted boxes and cans. So while Jess is looking I decide to see what the damaged goods aisle had to offer, and during my inspection, I found that the items were not actually damaged they were still very much so good the outside of the box may have been a little dinged up but the contents on the inside were still of good quality.

I started labelling myself as damaged goods at a young age; when I realized what it meant to be adopted is when it started. To find out that your parents gave you away is a hard pill to swallow at a young age and being told to pack your things "jokingly" by your foster mom's daughter does not make things any better. I never really felt loved by my foster family, I never really have had a real relationship with any of them other than my foster mother. Even in adulthood recently I was in a serious accident and hospitalized and the only family member that came to see me was my mother. I always felt less than because I was adopted like I am just not good enough to be apart of anyone's family. I just knew for a fact because I was given up I was no good I felt like trash, this affected my thought process and the way I personally viewed myself growing up. I use to have an issue with being looked at because I always felt I was ugly so I would always walk looking down, or avoiding eye contact, I began having increased anxiety going into public places as a child into my teenage years because wherever I was at I was not good enough to be there. I never thought I was funny, or smart, or pretty I spent most of my time trying to figure out just what is wrong with me, why nobody wanted me.

I wish someone could have recorded me when I found out that the damaged good aisle was not really full of damaged goods, it was like a light bulb when off my mind instantly started to think of the love God has shown towards us that he has shown towards me. After all the things that I've said, and all the things I've done to break my heavenly father's heart he still does not see me as damaged goods. Just because I labelled myself as damaged goods and marked my price down 50% God said he would pay full price for me; that he would send his only begotten son Jesus Christ to be beaten and abused then sent to the cross to shed his blood for me not as a damaged person, or less than a person but as a child of God made in his image. For 26 years I have longed for a family, I have always thought being adopted was a bad thing that it meant no one wanted you; but this entire time I have been wrong I have a family, I am wanted, I am loved, I do have an inheritance. I am so happy to be a citizen of The Embassy where I fellowship in love with my brothers and sisters in Christ, also I happy to be adopted into the kingdom by my heavenly father. I am not damaged goods, I am more than enough, I am proud of myself. Please continue to walk with me as I walk with him.

- Daughter of a King