Yall I FELL OFF! When I say I fell off I fell offffffff! It has seriously been since 2017 since I wrote in my blog *insert shocked face*. So much has happened between now and then I don't even know where to start. I didn't just fall off from writing I fell off from myself! I know yall are saying HOW SWAY??? I know it is so hard to believe I take such pretty pictures, and my son King Baby (yes I refer to my son as King Baby) is so very scrumptious, I look so happy how I did fall off????

I became Perfunctory (yes I just hit yall with an SAT prep word) It means to perform merely as a routine duty, hasty, superficial. I was just going through the motions, smiling for the camera, trying not to rock the boat. When I reflect on different situations over the past few years I am embarrassed; there were times when I should have spoke up yet stayed quiet, there were times when I should have left but didn't, there were times when I went left and should have went right. I take full re…

Damaged Goods

So the other day my friend Jess and I went grocery shopping together for the first time (I'm sure Jess is thinking there is also a last hahaha) also it was my first time shopping at that particular grocery store. So unbeknownst to Jess, I decided that I did not want a cart and that we would just share the one she grabbed; this was a major lapse in judgement on my part because I knew how long both of our grocery lists were. I had never been to that particular grocery store so Jess decided to give me a tour while we were grocery shopping just showing me the lay of the land. Well while I am mentally comparing prices of some random canned goods that are on my grocery list I look up to see that Jess had wandered off; she didn't go too far though she was just one aisle over. So when I get to the aisle I immediately notice the random array of different brands all piled on shelves with no order what so ever it's like someone just threw it all there. So Jess is looking through the …

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Remember in 2009 when Steve Harvey wrote New York Times Best Seller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man; the book flew off of shelves. There were preorders, and waitlist everyone had a copy I just had to see what all the buzz was about. The book was a hit women all over the world were singing Steve Harvey's praises for unlocking the code to men. 

I was straight out of high school going into college when I read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man; I was very sheltered growing up I was not allowed to listen to worldly music, I was not allowed to date (not that I had the attention of any boy), I was not allowed to go to sleepovers or play dates, or hang out I mean we never even talked about the birds and the bee's in my house. 18 and fresh out of high school I was grown you could not tell me nothin' I didn't have time for childish little boys anymore I was an adult. I knew nothing about boys, and especially nothing about men so downloading this book I thought would satisfy my …

Falling in LOVE ... or just Falling ?

As a 90's baby the whole prince and princess storyline I got it down pat. Remember Snow White how the prince woke her up with a mear kiss on the lips, or Cinderella how her missing glass slipper was found and replaced by the handsome prince who sweeps her her off her feet. I as I grew in age I would graduate from channel to channel what started as Dinsey movies and turned into Helga worshiping a shrine of her football headed love on Hey Arnold, to then watching Steve Urkel profess his love to Laura, to  staying up late watching endless marathons of Will chasing all the "hunnies" on Fresh Prince of Bel Air. 

  Love was looks I was inadvertently programmed from a young age to believe that was what love was.  I mean why else did Helga love Arnold, or Cinderella love Prince Charming?; I never once watched an episode of  Fresh Prince and heard Will Smith saying "Dang I love that girl's intellectual abilities!". Each of the characters I grew to love during my c…

I. Forgive. You. (an open letter to you)

I Forgive You
I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for deciding from day one that men were more important and that you had better things to do. I forgive you for signing those papers and getting on with your life; even though they used and abused you, even broke your jaw I think you made a good call. I forgive you for giving up 3 and keeping 1 I guess 1 was better than none. I forgive you for telling her to get rid of "it", young and dumb you were out there having fun. I forgive you for selling dope, I guess the money it brought in gave you hope that one day you would make it out without a doubt I forgive you. 

I forgive you for rejecting me. I forgive you for mistreating me as a child, for making me feel unwanted in my own home. I forgive you for introducing me not as your sibling, but as your mothers adopted child I didn't know labels came in such small sizes. I forgive you for allowing me to be raised by a married single mother, it was her idea to get us in th…

Put the Pills DOWN !!!!

I can remember it like it was yesterday every day at noon my alarm would go off.  Ring Ring Ring *hit snooze* Ring Ring Ring *hit snooze* this cycle would continue for the next hour or so. After laying in the bed crying for another hour; I would then reach over and grab my pills. I could not find the strength get out of bed without those pills. I would then stumble around the house like the walking dead; I had notes on my phone to remind me what to do. The notes I had on my phone were not very long either it went something like this 1. brush your teeth, 2. take a shower, 3. go downstairs and try to stay for 30 mins after my list was completed I would take more pills and go back to bed; somedays I never completed the list.
Depression is real it is not just an everyday struggle for me it was an every second of the day struggle. I literally felt like the walking dead I would stumble around the house in my pajamas my thoughts were so foggy, I felt so heavy. I had successfully completely is…

Alone at the Altar

This Saturday I was supposed to be getting married ... yes please let that sink in. Let's skip the fluff this evening and get right into it; this upcoming Saturday on the twenty-third day of the ninth month of the year of two thousand seventeen I was supposed to be walking down the aisle saying "I Do". 

For some odd reason, I have always said my husband will be a Marine. There was just something about those Marine Corpsmen that I fancied God Bless America! I had dated a Marine in the past but this time it seemed like this was the one. I guess you can say I had a type tall, dark and decorated this would be my husband. I did everything I thought was supposed to do we found a place I made a home, I cooked, I cleaned, I tried to always keep myself up; stay sexy, stay beautiful, what could I do to keep him intrigued? was always a thought in the back of my head. I basically manipulated my life into a cookie cutter image of what I found to be perfect. Wow, a guy that loves me wh…