I FELL OFF

Yall I FELL OFF! When I say I fell off I fell offffffff! It has seriously been since 2017 since I wrote in my blog *insert shocked face*. So much has happened between now and then I don't even know where to start. I didn't just fall off from writing I fell off from myself! I know yall are saying HOW SWAY??? I know it is so hard to believe I take such pretty pictures, and my son King Baby (yes I refer to my son as King Baby) is so very scrumptious, I look so happy how I did fall off????

I became Perfunctory (yes I just hit yall with an SAT prep word) It means to perform merely as a routine duty, hasty, superficial. I was just going through the motions, smiling for the camera, trying not to rock the boat. When I reflect on different situations over the past few years I am embarrassed; there were times when I should have spoke up yet stayed quiet, there were times when I should have left but didn't, there were times when I went left and should have went right. I take full responsibility for my perfunctory attitude towards life.

I wonder where would I be if God had a perfunctory attitude towards me? If he just listened to my prayers and just when through the motions, if when he showed me grace and mercy if it was superficial, when he would stand to protect me it was only out of routine duty. The thought scares me but then it made me think... Have I been perfunctory not only in my personal life but also in my spiritual walk? I'm telling yall this all just hit me like a ton of bricks this evening while I was trying to take my evening nap (yall know Sunday afternoon is my nap time). The thoughts troubled me so that I tossed and turned I could not sleep at all. I sat in reflection over from 2017 to now just going back through the ups and downs. I was a certified floater, I was floating through, going through the motions in all aspects of my life. I had to repent, how dare I say that he is a good good Father and act so perfunctory to him in my daily interactions with him. I have a track record with God and he has not yet failed me how dare I. After snotting and crying and repenting (almost woke up King Baby) I got up and I decided I am reclaiming my time!

As my auntie in my head California Representative Maxine Waters would say I am reclaiming my time!!!! I am reclaiming my time every moment that I missed, everything second that I lost faking the funk, every hour that was wasted I WANT IT ALL BACK!!! This is my take back season and I will not cry over what has been lost but yet rejoice in what has been gained, what is, and what is to come. I am having a praise party for my future. I refuse to live another second being perfunctory, I refuse to cry another sad tear over what was lost. I choose to live and as my Apostle would say "really live" *insert Milly rock*

 So I leave you with this reflection... have you become perfunctory?

 -Daughter of a King


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