When you don’t feel like celebrating.

 

Have you ever been in a room full of people celebrating a special occasion, and you just weren’t feeling it? You felt like the party, and the celebration was going on around you, but you could not muster the strength to be in the same happy mood as others. This past Sunday was Mother’s Day, which is a day to be celebrated and is celebrated by many. Honoring the strength of motherhood and celebrating mothers and mother-like figures in your life. I could not help but think about those who may feel disconnected from the Mother’s Day festivities, those that are sitting in a room with a celebration going on around them and simply do not feel like celebrating. 

Maybe you lost your mother, maybe your child passed away and you are grieving, maybe you are longing to be a mother and for whatever medical condition you are not able to be, maybe you have carried and have lost your child to miscarriage or stillbirth, maybe the relationship you have with your mother, or your child has with you is strained, maybe your mother in is in the last stages of life maybe you are a son who is mourning the passing of your mother, Godmother, or mother-like figure. Take a deep breath with me… it is ok not to feel like celebrating. I understand that waves of sadness might meet you in the days leading up to, the day of, or even the days after and that is ok.

These feelings are not exclusive to just Mother’s Day, it can be father's day, Veterans Day, or Christmas you are allowed to have these feelings at any holiday, or celebration. As we know holidays are a time to make memories with family and friends, and reminiscent of moments in the past,  to some these days can be emotionally heavy.  Grief is an emotional response to loss, the way that one experiences grief is very individual. 

There are some steps that you can take to get through those days. Understand that even though you feel very alone that you are not alone. There is someone, somewhere that is experiencing the same heaviness you are through this day. 

Also, take comfort in knowing your Heavenly father has been, is, and always will be there; in Matthew 11:28-30 he says to us clearly “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Ask for support there are people who care about friends, family, neighbors, and spiritual family these people care about you. You do not have to go through this process alone. When reaching out please be clear in letting those who want to support you clearly know what you need at that moment. No one can read your innermost thoughts, you are not being a burden if they are there it is because they want to be your own advocate by guiding them in helping you through the process of the sadness you are feeling.

Be sure to acknowledge your feelings, do not suppress, or undermine how you are feeling in the moment. I understand if everyone is celebrating you do not want the attention to be on you, and why you do not feel like celebrating. Give yourself permission to acknowledge your feelings throughout the day and understand what you are feeling is normal; don’t push yourself past your limits.  Celebrate without guilt, understandably you may feel brief moments of sadness, maybe not even on the day but leading up to or after. Understand this is normal and process through it.

It is ok to cry, scream, and yell. It is ok to work out to forget or find an activity that takes your mind off of your sadness, it is ok to watch mindless TV. it is ok I promise you. Do not run from it process through it.  

Do not forget about self-care, it is easy to lose yourself. Be mindful of taking care of yourself whether that be taking time to sit and enjoy some fresh air or stopping by Starbuck for a fresh cup of coffee. Try to leading up to days holidays, or celebrations practice doing 1 intentionally good thing for yourself. Self-care during times of heaviness is vital, in processing the pain appropriately. 

Be open to change and understand that this is a new chapter. Not everything is going to be what it was, or what you imagined it would be. It is ok to go with the flow, and make new traditions, or spend the day doing something that would bring you relief and joy. Doing something different does not mean you are trying to forget or throwing away traditions forged by the past it just means you are growing through the pain. 

I know therapy is an ugly word, no one wants to be looked at as the crazy one or identified as someone having a problem but therapy is a great resource in processing through heavy times. It is healing to sit and tell someone with an unbiased opinion of your heart, and your thoughts. There are resources that are available to you.

It is my prayer in typing this blog post that you will find comfort in knowing that nothing is wrong with you, and it is ok to feel heavy sometimes – the key is how you process those moments. 

If you read this and need help being connected to a resource in helping you overcome the grief you are feeling please let me know, leave me a comment I will do all I can to help you get connected.

Thank you for reading 

- Tameka