Put the Pills DOWN !!!!

I can remember it like it was yesterday every day at noon my alarm would go off.  Ring Ring Ring *hit snooze* Ring Ring Ring *hit snooze* this cycle would continue for the next hour or so. After laying in the bed crying for another hour; I would then reach over and grab my pills. I could not find the strength get out of bed without those pills. I would then stumble around the house like the walking dead; I had notes on my phone to remind me what to do. The notes I had on my phone were not very long either it went something like this 1. brush your teeth, 2. take a shower, 3. go downstairs and try to stay for 30 mins after my list was completed I would take more pills and go back to bed; somedays I never completed the list.
Depression is real it is not just an everyday struggle for me it was an every second of the day struggle. I literally felt like the walking dead I would stumble around the house in my pajamas my thoughts were so foggy, I felt so heavy. I had successfully completely isolated myself The only times I would leave the house would be to go to my weekly therapy session and monthly psychiatric appointments. 
The worst I felt the more pills I took, I never felt any better I always felt so empty. Before I say what I really want to say I want to lay the foundation of saying I believe everyone is different this is my truth. For me personally, I feel like the time I spent in therapy helped me once I found the right person to talk to someone who I felt understood me and where I was coming from. I thank God for my therapist she really did help walk me through the grief process and understanding the different emotions I was feeling. I on the other hand felt that I was just another co-pay at my psychiatrist office my appointments I felt no real concern for my wellbeing; I would answer yes and no questions and leave with a handful of prescriptions. I do not fault my psychiatrist he was who I needed him to be during that season he was my pill pusher. Anything I wanted he would do increase the dosage, change my prescription change it back whatever I requested. The pills did not help me though I still felt dark, I still felt sad, I still felt empty. 
I went through this for almost 3 years; this was one of the most difficult trials of my life. One day I just decided I wanted my life back; it did not happen overnight. A few times I tried to stop taking my pills cold turkey but then I was met with warnings from my doctors that if I did I would end up in the psych ward from the drastic change that would be occurring mentally. I let fear control me and I would go right back to taking them. I found that I could not do it by myself that I needed God I needed him like I needed my next breath; I could not live without him.  Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged". I literally cried out one night to God it was not anything fancy I just said "Lord please help me!" and he heard my cries. I love Psalm 50:15 it says out of The Message Bible "and call for help when you are in trouble- I'll help you, and you will honor me".  We serve such a good God (I can't say that enough) he literally said in his word hey I am here when you need help call on me; I did exactly that and the Lord helped me. The Lord restored my mind, he gave me my joy back, he gave me the strength to 100% come off of those pills. Our God is always with us so if you are struggling with depression, or you are addicted to any sort of pill call on him it does not need to be anything fancy ask him for help and he will help you I am living proof that God is a God restoration. Please continue to walk with me as I walk with him.

- Daughter of a King